Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Are there straight men from Venus?

If so...I think I am from Mars.

I have lately been confronted by the old traditional gender roles and the prejudices associated with a relationship... and I find them unnervingly false. Throughout most of my youth...and yes I am aware that I am still young and perhaps even still a part of "youth", I have been told through various social gatherings and TV programs, movies etc that the man is supposed to have a certain role. The 21st century brought with it a sense of equality between a man and his woman and at least in my part of the world such an accomplishment has been reached...at least to a certain level. We as women expect our man to help out at home...do the dishes, clean the bathroom and do laundry, and men are aware of this and try to meet our expectations (at least some of them do). Yet some jobs are categorized as "man-jobs". Examples of such jobs are: changing the light bulb in the ceiling (of course we can't stand on a chair and do this ourselves...we are way too short), change a fuse (don't want to be electrocuted...), download a new program to our computer (want someone else to blame if a virus breaks the computer), get said program to work, assemble IKEA furniture and connecting the VCR to our television set. And that brings us to my state of confusion.

Last night I was watching TV with the boyfriend...and I mentioned how I was a little torn about what to do tomorrow night (a.k.a tonight) regarding the Oscar's. I never get to watch this show as they always tend to air it when I am at work or have some other obligation. -But this year I actually don't have anything scheduled...apart from the "surprise" screening at the film club which usually tends to be a good film...and I love surprises...so what to do? So he, the boyfriend, mentions that he has a VCR and perhaps he can tape the show? -But, he has no idea how to hook up the VCR and how to make it work. Being the somewhat technical person I am, I thought no more of it and started to explain to him how to hook it up and how to set the VCR using the SCART cable...at which point he manages to ask me: "What is a SCART cable?"...Ok.

So I, the woman, start explaining what a SCART cable is and while I am doing this he rolls his eyes and exclaims "It's strange how, with all our technology, they havent been able to make a DVD player that can record stuff..." At this point my jaw hit the floor and I started laughing uncontrollably.

I love my man, bless his heart, but he is not very technical. I have realized that we contradict the traditional assumptions regarding a relationship. He loves 'Desperate Housewives' while I prefer 'CSI', he bakes wonderful cakes while I assemble IKEA furniture and he does the dishes while I connect the VCR. And it really doesnt matter who knows how to do what, as long as it gets done. I dont care that he doesnt know how work the VCR...'cause I do. I love that he knows how to bake a cake...'cause I dont.

Besides, as he put it; "At least I have a power drill..."

I think it is time we as women let go of our prejudice. We want to be equal to men so it is time we let them be equal to us as well.

After all it is the 21st century...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The high and low concept.

My friend wawa (she will always be wawa to me...) started a blog not too long ago, built on the high/low concept. I know she got this idea from a movie we both enjoy called "The story of us" (1999) and it is a concept I have loved ever since. Ive personally done it many times, although Ive kept it just to myself. It is especially useful at times with high stress levels or a general feeling of being blue.

In the movie Ben (Bruce Willis) and Katie (Michelle Pfeiffer) are married but drifting apart, and the story revolves around their attempt to save their relationship. The high/low concept is something they do with the kids every night at dinner and it is as simple as to state the best and worst thing that happened that day.

Ive found that if you do this every day, at least for a certain period of time, you start looking for the good things that happen and you take notice. The little things that might have passed unnoticed before suddenly gets a certain level of importance. A person on the bus complimenting you on your hairdo on a bad hairday (or what you thought was a bad hairday) are remembered more easily if you look for happy moments during the day. Snowfall instead of rain or a really great cup of coffee at breakfast can really cheer you up if you open up to it. Normally most people let these moments pass as if they have no meaning at all, and the result is grumpy morning-people and people complaining about the cold weather...(Do you honestly not want dry snowfall instead of wet rain? Put on some more clothes damn it and stop complaining). As you go along you may start to notice that the high's become more and more significant and the low's more and more insignificant to the point where "Out of toiletpaper at the public bathroom" becomes the low on a day with the opposit "Got asked out on a date by a really great guy/girl"-high. Eventually you may find it harder to state low's than high's at which point you have to face the fact that you are no longer feeling blue or sad in any way if that was your original mood.

Sometimes people need this kind of perspective...I know I do. Low's tend to get way too much attention and people complain more than they enjoy. And the ironic thing is; a low which feels horrible or life-ruining at one point may just turn out to be a high in the end after all. New doors may open and life may take new turns, and although most people characterize change as a low it most often turns out to be a high.

Ive been wrecking my brain while writing this, trying to come up with my own high and low for the day. My day is only half finished, and so far I have been able to think of 3 high's and no low's...Im sure a low will turn up eventually, but for now I will focus on the 3 high's:

  • I got an additional 4 months added to my Master degree deadline
  • I got my paper from last semester approved by Uni
  • Im going to the theater tonight to watch the classic film noir: Murder, My Sweet (1944)

And while I was writing that list I did actually come up with a low. It is raining cats and dogs outside and I only have a half broken umbrella with me...so I am going to get wet when I go home tonight...but in light of the high's today, it doesnt seem bad at all.

In fact; it is insignificant.