Ok, I have a question...

...How do you cram 2 months of work into 4 weeks?

'Cause basically...that is my situation right now. And to be honest with you, I am surprisingly calm writing this...Most likely a side effect of the workout I just had...I always feel great right after exercise...tired...but pleased...and working out is the only thing that makes me relax these days...I know that sounds odd, but its only when Im exercising that my mind is capable of not thinking about all the work I need to get done. It is my hour-and-a-half of relaxation. My time of zen.

But me sweating at the gym doesnt get my work done...Sooo...if anyone has any ideas, please step forward and speak your mind.

There you have it...

You know some days are just unproductive...No matter how hard you try, it just doesnt happen.

Today has been one of those days, and instead of beating myself up about it, I am going to go home. I am going home to make dinner with my man and just relax.-Providing he's home that is...He might be having his productive day today...if irony gets its will that will be a given. But then again, that is how it is supposed to be...as irony is God's way of making things interesting..."spice it up a little"...I'll bet thats what he thought when irony was invented...perhaps irony was one of those glitches that always happens when you create a demo of something...and then he kept it just to get something to laugh at. Actually...I think he's a she...or perhaps a gay man...the eye for detail and beauty is too great for a 'he'...but that's another topic...and I dont want to offend anyone religious.

But anyway...unproductive...no additions to my thesis...a wasted day if you will. I could have done something fun instead. But...I am not going to feel bad or stress about it...cause ultimately...what good comes out of that? Nope. Going home. That's what I'll do.

...And up again

I really don't like New Years Eve...

Its totally overrated as the teens like to say…and which I tend to say too come to think of it...I always end up at some last-minute party since I never plan the night. Yet I refuse to plan New Years. I dont want to stress about finding some place to be on a night where you are supposed to either have the time of your life, or be a loser. I refuse. So I dont plan, and I end up at the aforementioned party. Usually I have a friend or a boyfriend present, which keeps me from going insane. And every year around midnight I think to myself; "Why am I here? Why am I spending the last night of the year with people I dont know?"

This year seemed to be the same. No plans became party plans. -A party with nothing but strangers. Then it became a party with friends and only that. Then back to the choice of strangers or nothing at all. Wise from previous years of dull parties, I chose alternative B,-nothing at all. Only this year, no expectations turned into a truly great evening (Imagine the shocker). I was prepared for a night alone with the boyfriend at our apartment...(which could be pretty romantic in itself I'll admit) only to get a visit from friends instead. We were only 6 people. The night was quiet yet social and it suited me perfectly. I dont see the point in spending a night that is supposed to be a night of reminiscence, with total strangers.

Perhaps this is a sign that I am growing up...or perhaps it is a sign that I am becoming excruciatingly boring...Either way I guess it doesnt really matter as long as one is having a good time...does it? And I did. And I continue to enjoy myself...or I try to.

Lately it has been difficult and it will continue to be difficult for at least another 2 months. Until I am done with my master thesis, I wont have much free time...and as a result I wont have much time to spend with friends...if you read this I apologize. Combining work and school has been a bitch lately and it will only get harder...but as they say: it gets worse before it gets better...And hopefully by the end of spring, life will open up a bit and make me more available...and relaxed...and perhaps even less boring.

Until then I will try to suck up all the joy I can when I get it. If I have a resolution for this year, it is to do something I really want to do even if its irresponsible to do so. Ive been responsible my whole life...Right now I am deeper in the responsible part of life than Ive ever been before. Once I get out of this pit, I am going to do something reckless.

No matter what.