Thursday, August 04, 2011

The art of growing up

You hand me the envelope that arrived in the mail today and sit down by the kitchen counter to play with your ipod. I look at the envelope and recognize the logo as one of several credit card companies. I open it slowly, with a knot in my stomach, just to discover that the amount is a tad higher than expected.
I sigh.
You look up from your 'angry birds'-game and ask; “is something wrong?”
I look at you, the piece of paper and then you again. I sigh.
-“Growing up sucks.”

There. I said it. It sucks. Simple as that. I think sometimes you just need to say it out loud. Get it out of your system… although saying it out loud tends to make people frown. They call it “whining”… and nobody likes that. To be honest with you, I don’t like whining either…

2011 was (and still is) the year I turned 30. 3-0… a combination of numbers that frighten me. The safe, comfortable “2” that used to be first, is now gone…

With the number thirty, comes great responsibility. There are certain expectations that follow the number. And I think it is those expectations more than the actual number that bothers me. ‘Cause lets face it; not turning 30 would be far worse.


You look up from your game, raise an eyebrow and ask what kind of expectations I am talking about. I look at you… still 29 and innocent…I shake my head and put the bill down on the counter.

In our society today, being 30 usually means that you should have fulfilled a certain list of tasks. If you have not fulfilled this list, you have, thanks to our wonderful society, reasons to be concerned. The list, which I admit may be different from community to community, usually comprises the following (to a minimum):
- A fulltime job
- A privately owned apartment or house
- A partner

Although I do currently possess all of these things, and thereby shouldn’t have to worry, I still dislike the word ‘expectations’. I disagree that you are falling behind on anything if you miss one or several points on the list. In fact; the freer you are from the list, the more you can truly live!
Let me explain.

A fulltime job is necessary to pay the bills. And more importantly, to pay back the humongous student loan you’ve built up. However, having a full time job makes it very hard to be spontaneous. Everything needs to be planned weeks and weeks ahead. There will be no sudden weekend getaways with cheap flight tickets, unless you have cleared it with your boss first…2-3 weeks ahead (when the flight tickets were expensive and out of question). The irony here is of course that when you were a student, and actually had the time and opportunity to be spontaneous, you had no money to go through with it…

An apartment or house is something that usually follows the fulltime job. Without the job you won’t afford the apartment. Nor will you get a loan to cover the expense. Owning your own home is also great in that you can do whatever you wish with the interior. Paint whatever needs to be painted, buy furniture that is meant to stay in the same spot for years to come. However…(of course there had to be one) with a home comes stress. Suddenly it is your and not your landlords problem if something goes wrong. Suddenly you need to take care of leaks, mold, cracks and whatever unforeseen problem that may arise. There will be worries, there will be large amounts in your bank accounts, written in a nasty red color with a minus in front. Don’t misinterpret me. I still think owning a home is wonderful…it just tends to be a little stressful sometimes.

A partner is something most people would like to have, regardless of sexual preference, religion and social status. I am not going to say anything bad about having a partner, since I do find not having one worse than the little annoyances that comes with having one. Besides, I think it is good to have another person around to relate to… whether it is a partner, a friend or family. Living all alone for too long makes people eccentric. The problem I have with this point on the list is not related to having one, but the stress that comes with not having one at this stage in life. People tend to get married and start families once they reach the end of their twenties and beginning of thirties. Not having a partner in all this mess, when everyone around you start popping babies and invite you to couples dinners, is a situation I do not wish upon my worst enemy. The horror of having to sit through an entire dinner with only one topic (babies, babies and more babies) without being able to relate to it, is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Don’t get me wrong. Im pretty sure that when the day comes (if it comes) that I decide to breed I too will become obsessed with this tiny, wrinkled, drooling individual that is incapable of doing anything else than eating, sleeping and move bowels.

So what would be the alternative?

This is where we have reached the main issue with getting older. There is no alternative. You will get older. You do eventually need a fulltime job. You will need a home, although it is perfectly ok to rent and not buy, you will save a whole lot of dough by actually buying. - And the older you get, the stronger the needs become. You are expected to be responsible. If you wish to have kids at some point in your life, you need to start thinking about it…the clock (which I have heard so much about and never paid attention to) is actually ticking! Suddenly it becomes apparent that if you want more than one child before you reach 40 (when the chances of complications increase) you better get busy! Can you hear the clock? Tick…tick...tick. I want to smash it.- With a Barbie-pink bat covered in rhinestones and glitter.

It is starting to dawn on me why earlier generations always claim the twenties as the best years of their lives. They were years filled with no expectations and reckless living. Although I’ve always been aware that life happens today and not tomorrow, I’ve still found myself twisted up in the web of maturity…thinking ahead, dreaming of having a fulltime job (instead of being a poor student), owing my own place (instead of living in a mold-infested closet sized dump). And I worry that the years of dreaming is now behind me. I worry that I soon will start looking backwards instead of ahead. I worry about things I didn’t know you could worry about. And I realize that ‘worry’ and ‘mature’ are two words that go hand in hand.

The way I see it; I can do one of two things. I can be miserable and long for the carefree years of being a student, being poor but being free. Or I can embrace the future. I can continue to look ahead and dream of things that will be instead of what was. I can remind myself how stressful exams, grades and uncertainties were and embrace the comfort of a steady income.

And most importantly; I can take advantage of every opportunity I get to experience something new. ‘Cause lets face it. Opportunity knocks on everyone’s door, regardless of sex, nationality and not to forget; age.

Bring it on sister! Im ready for my thirties.