The constant battle of an addiction

Hi, my name is Ski and I am an addict.

There, I said it. They say the only way to get over such obstacles is to first admit it to yourself and those around you...So now that Ive done that, I reckond the next few steps will be easier. Not that admitting it was so hard...but I need help and I can no longer deny it.

My addiction has been sneaking up on me for several years now...Ive seen the signs and the subsequent dangers lurking in the shadows, but I have ignored them. I have turned my back to 'em and denied their existence.
Why? Because it is easy.

It is easier to ignore a personal flaw or a weak spot of ones being than to face it and fight it. Its easier to run as various rock bands (read: Linkin Park) have been screaming at us for years, and it is true. It IS easier to run. Ignorance is bliss...and all that. There is a reason such clichés exist.

But I can no longer run. I must face my own weakness, and I am doing it here. Right now. On this half deserted (but not forgotten), deeply cared for, blog.

I have issues with the color purple.

*deep sigh*

Purple is my heroin. It is my source of euphoria and the target of all my desires (...literally *cough*).

I own everything purple. The pillows on the sofa are purple, my underwear, my clothes, the curtains and the bed sheets, the candles and cups in my cupboards, my shoes, my cellphone (for real) and believe it or not...the computer I am writing this very text on at this very minute...it is purple.

Whenever I am out looking for clothes or windowshopping...I stop when I see something purple. I am like a raven to shiny objects...except I need them only to be purple. It can be an ugly item for sure. If it is purple, it is beautiful in my eyes. It has gotten so far now that I am trying to push everything purple on my man as well...poor soul.

I recently got a new job, and at my first day I received an orchid from my new coworkers. Guess which color it was? Exactly. And although I usually kill orchids immediately (for some reason I just cannot keep those suckers alive...) this one is still blooming like the magnificent being that is it. It was only yesterday that I realized that the most probable reason for why I always remember to water it, is its color. Its beautiful purple flowers smiling at me...although orchids kinda look like they are pouting with their tongues sticking out at you.

I had known my coworkers for no more than 3 days when one of them made a comment on how spot-on they had been with the color of the orchid. It took her 3 days to figure that purple is my color... Since then I have tried to avoid wearing purple, because I realized that I cannot wear that particular color every day...I will become a caricature of myself. But I have failed. I cant avoid the color, because I do not own enough clothes to build an entire outfit without it.

So what do I do? I go shopping. I try to find clothing of various other beautiful colors...green, blue, yellow, purple...no. Green, blue, yellow....red? No I hate red....p...p...pink?..cant wear it with my red hair...I went shopping and came home, today, with a yellow shirt...and a purple one.

So here I sit. With another purple clothing. Another purple item that I love. I need help. I need detox. I cannot do it on my own. I realize that now.

We are going to a party tonight...And I want to wear a skirt with my new purple leggings that I bought earlier this week. I will try to avoid wearing them, but just the thought of putting them on makes my heart beat faster. It gets me exited and deeply sad at the same time. I know that when you are addicted to something, you have to end it cold turkey. You must stop immediately and never look back. I am going to do that. I will. I will throw away my purple items. I will donate my clothes to the salvation army and give my purple earrings to my friends. I will.

Tomorrow.

Or the next day.

Tonight there's a party.