Mayday...

I think my blog needs resuscitation.

I had plans of reviving it a while back, and I sort of did, although only halfhearted. It is not because I have anything against it. In fact I think very dearly of this blog, but I have not had much to report.

I do write a lot. I pretty much write every day. I have now written 200 pages of a story I am working on. A story I started working on mostly for fun, and to complete a goal I set for myself when I was roughly 12 years old. The story is not finished... and as long as I am working on it, it is difficult to find additional creativity for this blog. I have had to choose between the blog or the story, and as the blog will continue to be here even if I leave it be for a while, I chose the story. Mainly due to the fact that the story will vanish if I dont get it down on paper.

So thats what Im working on... getting it down on paper. Whether or not it is something worth sharing some day, only time will tell... But for now I am enjoying the new form of creativity which comes with playing with words... with imagination... Creating characters and situations for them to overcome.

So untill then, I am afraid this blog will only be updated once in a while... when I feel a little extra creativity pushing through. Either way, I am having fun.

Weather yakk

I was sitting here in front of the computer, trying to come up with something to write. I tried to open up the 'new post' feature in hopes that the white, empty box was going to inspire me to start writing. 'Cause sometimes, thats what happens...sometimes. Not this time...

So I was staring at this white, empty section of the computer screen, wondering what to fill it with. I checked plinky.com, but they wanted me to write about something that makes me want to be a kid again...which I guess is an ok topic. Ok, but not inspiring. I dont want to write about being a kid again. I am a kid. At heart, and sometimes mind too, it seems.

Then I started writing a few lines about the weather. Simply because people expect you to talk about the weather during awkward silent moments. Not that the moment was awkward...lets face it, Im the only one staring at the white box. But it got me thinking about this whole concept of awkward moments, about silences between two people talking. Why do we always fill them with weather talk? Why the weather? Why not politics, or personal opinions about topics. In stead of saying: "Oh, boy, it sure rains today." Why not go for: "Oh boy, I wish the bus tickets were cheaper."... Personally I would have skipped the "Oh, boy", though...

Perhaps people talk about the weather because it is safe. There are few people in this world who prefers a cold, rainy day over sunshine (and yes Beat, I know you are the exception), and few who would be offended if you said you hated "that annoying wind". Which means that you can express your opinions about the weather without irritating anyone. This is obviously in contrast to talking politics, where the potential provocation is so much higher. You say Obama sucks and the guy you talk to plants his fist in the middle of your face.

That just doesnt happen with the weather. The weather sucks! And everyone agrees. Personally I understand the safety of it, and the peacekeeping qualities that it holds...But it truly is boring. It truly is coward.

Next time someone brings up the weather during a quiet moment, I will start talking about chopsticks. It makes just as much sense.

Where do flies go when it rains?

Im back in the lab (where Im usually at when I update this blog) and noticed a tiny fly buzzing around the window...desperate to get out. Normally I would let the poor creature out and let it fly, "fly up and away"...back into the freedom of the wilderness. However, it is raining cats and dogs outside today, and I figured it was safer for the bug to stay indoors (Yes, I made that executive decision).

But this tiny winged animal had me wondering...where are all the flies when its raining? Do they gather up in special caves? Do they hide somewhere? First I thought of rocks and places they could crawl under...But everytime its raining, the rocks get flooded...right? So the bugs would drown underneath them. I mean...this is why worms crawl up and out of the soil during rain, cause the tunnels get flooded.

Then I thought about leaves. Perhaps they sit underneath the leaves on the trees...which I guess could be possible. There are still leaves on the trees, although they will probably fall off pretty soon...but what about the wind? Rain usually comes with a great deal of wind (like today)...so...won't the bugs fall off? Or at least get wet? And if their wings get wet, wont they drown?

You may be reading this (if you havent left the page already) and wonder why the heck you should keep reading this...and I wont blame you for leaving...I just seriously want to know the answer. So if you are a zoologist (Im afraid Im only a biologist...ecologist...and microbiologist) or just have a general deep facination for bugs, please give me a shoutout.

Cause the way I see it...Rain may suck balls some times, and we get irritated and annoyed by the need to walk around with an umbrella, or a raincoat...
But for a fly...Rain is Armageddon.

Superpowers

I dont like to break promises...In fact, I never break promises. And I promised to get back to the blog and post something interesting...or at least something semi-interesting. As if I have tried to come up with something engaging to write about. So hence I am currently updating the blog. I am writing this as you are reading it...sort of. Or actually, when you are reading this, I have finished writing it, but still, it is an update, so stop complaining.

I was browsing through my facebook homepage earlier today, and discovered that I had over 100 different invitations. Not invitations as in the oldfashioned; "I want to hang out with you, want to come over for a party?"-invitation, but the typical facebook invitation similar to: John took the "If I became a giant, how many people would I have stepped on during my first day"- quiz, and wants to invite you to take the quiz as well!! (with lots of exclamation points to emphasize how exciting the quiz really is).

Usually I skip all the invitations, just browse through them and leave them be. I probably should delete them once Ive decided not to do them, but I dont. Why, I cannot tell. Perhaps because I never like to throw away stuff and because I might want to do them later. I mean, you never know when it is crutial to find out how many people the giant version of yourself would have stepped on. Perhaps your life will depend on it...some day. So I keep them. And today I did one. I did it because I actually, believe it or not, wanted to know the answer. I wanted to find out what my superpower would be.

I figured the answer would come out as something like: You will turn blue when you become angry. Or: You will gain strength in the presence of children...the latter would actually be pretty cool...I could have a kid strapped to my chest all day...like a nanny-dayjob, and still be a superhero which no one could harm. Super-nanny. The real deal...not the stict british ladies who yell at american families on TV...

Anyways, my superpower turned out to be way cooler. I will get the gift of telepathy. Controll your mind with my own brain. And I started thinking about how awesome that gift would be. Always get my will, always have things done my way, get stuff for free and never have to fight for anything. I was thinking out ways to use my power for my own benefit, and I started laughing. A deep, heavy laugh from the bottom of my stomache, through my throat and out between my lips. A sincere, real; mwahahaha!...And I realized that if I gain a superpower, I will fall into the evil hands of power and become a supervillan. A telepathetic maniac who wants to destroy our safe society, step on the little people and truly be a giant. "With great power comes great responsibility" my ass...

I love it.

And at the same time, I am truly greatful of not having the power of telepathy... And if I...who honestly believe I am a nice, gentle person, could have thoughts like these...what wouldnt a fundamentally bad person be capable of...given the same powers? I can only imagine, and only sigh in relief.

Superpowers are ment to stay in books. Thank [insert religious preference]. But I guess it is still legal to fantasize...
Mwaha..ha..ha

Logic and the lack of it

Ah, the wonders of being useful. And with being useful, comes the natural and logical "updating of the blog". It is one of those activities which follows working in the lab just as naturally as drying ones body after a shower. The minute I enter the lab, I register the computer in the corner, and as soon as there are a couple of minutes to spare, I log on. It is how it works. It is how it has always worked. The very fact that I still feel that way after having been away for months, indicates a strong pavlovian respons. Blogging and laboratory-work goes hand in hand...or so it seems.

I have been away for months, hence no "updating of the blog". It really is quite logical if you think about it. Obviously when one is going through the "updating of the blog" phase of the day, you need something interesting to write. There really isnt any point in updating something, if you dont have something to update. Right? Also very logical.

However. I am not always a fan of logic. (Excuse me for a minute when I check the temperature of the autoclave) Ok. I am back. For you that was just an annoying extra sentence to read, for me it took quite some time. Anyways. I was talking about logic. Or lack of it. The blog entries I have most fun writing, are the completely uninteresting ones. The ones which really dont have a story to tell. Only a situation to describe, or a thought Ive been holding in for a while and suddenly feel the desperate need to get out.

This is not one of those entries.

As if you hadnt already noticed. No flies on you.

This one is just uninteresting. Or at least meaningless. It is simply my respons to being back in the lab. Me testing the water if you will..making sure it is safe to swim in after such a long time. Hopefully I will be back to update again with something more interesting within a couple of days...Time will tell.

In the meantime I can tell you that if you live in Bergen and want pizza, they serve great pizza at Kjøttbasaren, but you will get food poisoning if you order the chorizo sausage.

There you go...an update with a good advice at the end.

Logical...

Didn't you use to have a blog?

I did...and I do. I really do. I just seem to have lost my creativity a bit...or that is, I am using it on something else these days. Something which I am enjoying a bit more. But I have not forgotten my faithful companion, my dear web log, my blog. My conscious is letting me know it is there, and it will not let me forget it. I am sorry for the neglect.

As I have no news to report, I will instead wish you all a wonderful summer... with a promise to update as soon as I get my mojo back.

~Ski å

The end of one phase and the beginning of another

I realize I have somewhat neglected my blog lately...In part out of exhaustion, in part due to the uneventfulness of my life. But I am not complaining. I finally finished my master thesis...and I did well. In fact, I will admit I am proud of myself. I have no plans of going further than a master degree (although I should be careful to utter the word never) so I guess that means I have officially ended my education. It feels good.

But I am tired. 9 years, 2 bachelors and a master have taken its toll on me and I have been in desperate need of some time off. So thats why Ive been absent lately. I have been enjoying myself. Ive taken care of stuff I should have taken care of ages ago, like fixing my national costume so that I could finally wear it for the constitution day this year (yay!), Ive slept, Ive read books, Ive worked out and explored some other interests which I am not going to bore you with right now. Ive also booked 2 weeks of bliss in Turkey this summer with my man, and I cannot wait! To be perfectly honest...I cannot remember the last time I had 2 weeks off without feeling guilty about anything. It will be heaven.

It has also been a time of recognition for me. I have spent 21 years in school...which is 3/4s of my life...Although I have learned a great deal, both about the topics I have been studying, and about extracting information and separating good info from bad…reliable from non-reliable, I am happy to be done. I am ready for a steady income and some real responsibility…

Being a student usually means putting the “starting-a-family-phase” on hold. I have friends who ended their education years ago, who is now getting into that phase of their lives. As much as I would like a family one day, I am more excited about having some time to travel and enjoying time away from study halls. So...that's where I am right now. I have the time...but not the money. Ironic as it is.

So if you'd ask me what I am up to these days, besides enjoying myself...I will say: saving money. I have worked a little extra at my part-time job (which I have had the past 9 years) and I am trying to live cheaply so that I can spend the next couple of months planning a trip to somewhere exotic. The idea of being able to travel to some place Ive only dreamt of visiting before, excites me beyond comprehension.

You know...this is probably when I get accidentally pregnant...

Either way. Let life begin!

Fever

I am starting to feel the spring fever coming on...or it might actually just be a regular fever...I think my body is working on a cold...Either way its getting warmer and the sun has shown its beautiful face once or twice the past week.

I recently did one of my favorite spring activities; walking around town in the sunshine (and cold crisp air) with an apple in hand. I really cant tell why this insignificant activity brings me so much pleasure, but it really does. It seems to clear my mind of all dark thoughts and whatever ill feeling I may be having vanishes. I call it "spring fever"...others may call it "walking down the street with an apple". It may be the equivalent of drinking beer in an outdoor café...another activity which seems to initiate at this time of year. As soon as the sun manages to warm up the air enough for people to sit still outside, the beer-drinking starts. I still prefer my apple to a beer...but have to admit a cold pint once in a while can do the trick as well.

Spring also makes me want to go hiking...an activity Ive already done twice this month and plan to do more of. Ive also managed to dig out my old roller blades...Which I bought on sale about 6 or 7 years ago and only used once. This spring will be the spring that I teach myself how to use them. Perhaps i will photograph the event. Should make for some interesting pictures.

But its raining right now and rain is not appropriate blading weather...the only thing that makes me feel that spring is here, is the temperature...and Easter. And I will enjoy the last two days of Easter in the hopes that spring will come back for good once the holidays are over.

Happy Easter everyone.

Cogito Ergo Sum

I saw something awesome today. I don’t usually use the word ”awesome”…it reminds me of 14 year old girls and their conversations in the back of the bus…but I have to use it today.

I saw a crow with a piece of chewing gum in its beak. You are probably wondering what’s so awesome about a bird with gum…Obviously, birds and gum don’t really go well together…and I agree. But the bird seemed to have some issues with the gum being too hard. It was a pretty large piece of gum, and I’m guessing it wanted to divide it into smaller pieces before it ate it…something which was impossible to do with that dried up chunk. My first thought was: “yikes, you really shouldn’t eat the gum, birdie. It will go straight through you without fulfilling your nutritional needs.” Or actually, that’s a lie…My thoughts weren’t that fancy…They were probably closer to; “Don’t eat the gum birdie, it’s bad for you.” As I was thinking this, worried that the bird was going to give up and swallow the entire chunk in one go, and thereby forcing me to do bird-CPR, the bird did something I did not expect it to. It skipped along the pavement towards the nearest puddle and dipped the gum in the water. And all I could think was how I used to do that as a kid when I wanted to save my gum for later. I used to put it in a glass of water (‘cause we all know how important it was to chew your gum until it basically disintegrated in your mouth…) to preserve it. The water would keep it soft and retain some of the flavor in the gum for when I decided to continue my chewing. Im guessing the bird must have learned at some point that water can soften dry material, but I was still amazed by it.-Thinking that perhaps birds aint as dumb as I first thought. It also reminded me of another incident with a bird I had a couple of years ago.

I saw a seagull with a shell in its mouth. The only reason I spotted the bird was the fact that I was almost hit in the head by the shell. In an attempt to break the shell open, the bird flew about 10 meters into the air, dropped the shell down on the asphalt of the road I was walking on, and dived down to pick the shell up again. It repeated this pattern a couple of times, each time going higher before dropping the shell. I remember having two thoughts; 1: what a dumb bird doing this right in front of me on the road...where I was walking with a large german shepherd in a leash, and 2: What a smart bird…Faced with a problem (breaking the shell), it conducted an experiment (dropping it on to a hard surface), decided it worked but needed improvement (flying higher the next time) and eventually managed to open the shell…which it started eating as soon as my dog and I had passed.

I guess this only shows that birds have cognitive behavior…which is odd considering their brains. I dissected a chicken brain once in an anatomy class…and I have to tell you, there aint much to look at. Perhaps a proof that a large brain is unnecessary…further offering an explanation for why humans are so destructive. Our brains are too large for our bodies, offering plenty of space for unnecessary information. -Information that confuses our instincts…causing us to destroy what others have built and spitting our chewing gum out on the pavement for birds to pick up. Perhaps we would be better off with bird brains…just a thought.

30th or Pearl

My parents are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary this week…30 years…30 years with the same person.

I find it admirable and terrifying at the same time. Admirable because 30 years with one person requires an ability to both give and take in equal amounts…and to accept a person for who they are without trying to change them. I also find it terrifying because I have no one but myself to blame if I cannot accomplish the same. So many people who get divorced like to blame the fact that they come from separate homes as a reason for why they couldn’t make it work. It is nothing but an excuse of course…but I guess sometimes that is just what you need.

It is indeed sad that most kids today grow up in separate homes, and that living with both your mom and your dad is the exception rather than the rule. But at the same time it is understandable…both women and men have careers today, no one is dependent on the other so no one is forced to stay in a bad marriage, which inevitably benefits the kids in the end. A bad marriage is no place for a child.

That is why I have so much respect for those who are able to maintain a good relationship post divorce…Those couples who manage to be a family although new lovers enter their lives. Those who let the kids spend Christmas with both mom and dad even though they are no longer married. With the independence of women today and the constant search for happiness that we all aspire to, that is the future. The ability to stay a family after a divorce.

I have friends who are getting married this year and I have friends who are engaged. My generation is entering that phase of their lives when they feel the need to settle down…start a family and begin the same stage,-the only stage of our parents life, we know and recognize. I hope that our generation will continue the ‘amicable divorce’-trend which the previous generation has barely initiated. And perhaps contribute to a more stable family situation. But most of all, I hope our generation can put the love back into marriage and accept each other for who we are. Because there are still some couples out there who aren’t forced to be together, but who wants to…and therefore get to celebrate a 30th anniversary.

Now, that’s something.

And this post turned way more serious than I planned…but sometimes that’s the way they come out.

100

I just realized that my previous post about surrogates was my post number one hundred. How cool is that!? 100 posts of meaningless blabber...Im actually a little impressed with myself. No wonder Ive written 10 pages of my discussion chapter (of my master thesis) without actually saying anything...

I guess this also means Ive waisted about 50 hours of my life writing down nonsense. -If I spend an average of 30 minutes on each post...which is probably not far from the truth. Ah well, even meaningless yack is a skill...some people even make a living of it. They're called reporters. The specialists within this field are called gossip reporters. Perhaps thats what I should have become then...a reporter. -Not the gossip kind...I need my sleep at night.

Time will tell. Either way Im about to finish the science part of my life...unless a wickedly cool job falls into my lap that is...So there will be plenty of time to write the next 100.

Just a warning...or a heads-up if you will.

Future-fantasies.

I love movies, most of you already know this so it is no big surprise...and as a lover of movies I tend to look forward to some of them...perhaps before a release date is set...and the wait can be seriously long...like the wait for Die Hard 4.0 for instance which took about 2-3 years since I first heard about it until I had the chance to see it…Fortunately it didn’t disappoint…which I have to admit, usually happens when you wait 2 or 3 years for a movie. Its hard not to build up an enormous amount of expectations when you wait that long…even though I do try not to…Anyways, this wasn’t what I wanted to talk about…Im already a little tired and almost put myself to sleep there for a second.

I have been waiting for a movie called ‘Surrogates’ (which by coincidence, -only coincidence, I promise!*cough* is another Bruce Willis movie) for about a year now. I believe it is a sci-fi, I Robot, A-I kinda film which I have to admit is not a good starting point for me. I did enjoy AI…although it made me kinda depressed…but what fascinates me with the prospect of this film is the idea of surrogates. Apparently people in the future are going to be seriously anti-social, spending most of their time alone in their homes. And to make up for this behavior, they have surrogates, or robot versions of themselves doing all the work and shopping and partying for them. Now, I personally cant for the life of me figure out why anyone would want to spend all their time at home when they could send their robot version to work and go party themselves. Personally I would love a surrogate. I’d make it perfect. It would have great hair every day, as well as makeup and clothes. It probably wouldn’t sweat or eat or use the bathroom, so I wouldn’t have to bathe it…expect for an annual touchup. No exercise would be necessary as it wouldn’t gain or lose any weight. It would be nice and toned with perfect complexion. Not a single zit…

If I did have one, I would set it to write my master thesis, which is taking up all my f’ing time these days, and go travel. Once it has finished my thesis, it can go to work and make money which I can spend on more traveling…and shopping. Of course, with my luck my surrogate would probably develop a strong personality and refuse to go to work for me…and insist on coming with me on whatever trip I was planning…And as I have a pretty strong mind of my own, we would end up spending the entire trip arguing on what to see and do…Either that or fighting non-stop on who gets to see and do everything first (ever been to Disneyland with a sibling?). And of course non of us would give in to the other…Why give in when you know there is no way it will lead to sex?-Which by the way opens up for a whole new concept; the end of single-hood. No one has to be unwillingly single anymore…you can just create an opposite sex version of yourself (unless you’re gay of course) and date that instead. According to various scientific studies people tend to fall for someone who looks like themselves…Although, you would probably come back to the previous issue of two minds which are way too similar…and end up fighting non-stop. And who wants that? I’d rather stay single.

Anyhow, in light of the release of ‘Surrogates’, Touchstone Pictures have released a so-called viral-site for the movie (No worries, it has nothing to do with virus or computer destruction) where you can read up on the (fake) company which builds these surrogates, and where you can make your own one…Which of course I had to try.

You can upload a picture of yourself and change age and ethnicity, as well as facial features…which I did. I built a version of myself with a skin complexion slightly darker than my natural (who wants to stay pale as a Scandinavian if you can be tanned all year around?), green eyes with a touch of yellow just for fun, purple hair (because I love purple) and slightly longer hair…mostly because I couldn’t find my own hair-do among the choices...a do I like. But anyways, I dressed ‘me’ in a black dress and waited for the final result to come up. The new, better version of myself. The one which was going to improve my life and free me from my responsibilities.

She turned out to be an old lady. An old slightly bloated lady with purple hair and a black granny dress. It was terrifying seeing my own face on such an old woman. I am not going to be an attractive woman of age…if life hands me that many years, that is.

My surrogate is an old lady, who I bet would boss me around and tell me what to do. Who would make me finish my thesis and earn my own money…And in turn would spend my money on cake and coffee at the local bakery.

No thanks…I’ll do without.

http://www.chooseyoursurrogate.com/

My little pony

Most of you who actually know me...and I assume you are the only ones reading this, know that I had the good fortune of going to Africa this past summer...more specifically Tanzania, which was simply a trip of a lifetime. As this was the golden opportunity to take pictures of a lifetime as well, I spent the entire time there with a camera attached to my right eyeball (come to think of it; no wonder my eyesight has gotten worse on that eye...)...and believe it or not, I managed to take some decent pictures...or lets face it, my camera managed to take some decent pictures...I pretty much kept it on automatic all the way through, letting my camera read the surroundings...Anyways, Ive used some of my favorite pics as desktop backgrounds on my computer, as I like to look at pretty things whenever I use it (and Ive come to realize that David Hasselhoff is not as well liked among the other students around me as I first thought...delicious Hoff *cough* sorry...I almost swallowed my tongue). The past 6 months, the photo of choice has been the following one:














I really like this picture as it shows several species in one frame, all species which we dont have in Norway, so I find it exotic. Besides, I love pink and flamingoes rock! This picture is shot in the Ngorongoro crater by the way. Ive come to love this picture...It makes me relax. I feel a sense of calmness and I can smell the dry dirt and feel the wind on my face when I look at it. I really can. Honest.

So Im sure you can imagine the shock and horror I felt today when I noticed a small detail in this picture for the first time...After having looked at it and loved it for 6 months...I noticed the zebra in the background:
















My first thought was; whoa! That is one exceptionally well-hung pony...But it made me sad. It made me sad because exceptionally-well-hung-pony is standing all alone...Not feeling the love. And no one should be that well equipped without attention. I wonder where all the baby-fevered Zebrettes are...And I wonder if he finally met a lady or if he is still standing there all lonely and sad. Perhaps the wilderbeast in the front of the frame gave him some love...

I can only hope.

Either way I think I may have to change my desktop background. To something happier...laughable...
-like the Hoff.

4 weeks to go

I realized when I woke up yesterday morning that I have essentially been burning my candle in both ends the past couple of months…Spending all day at uni trying to get my work done and then going to work at night trying to earn enough money to pay the bills…I don’t understand how some people manage to hold 2 jobs for years…I am exhausted after 2.5 months. I am happy yet stressed out by the fact that I have only 4 weeks left. Happy because I will be done and can finally get some rest…not to forget spend some time with my friends…be social again…Yet I am stressed out by the thought of having to finish perhaps 2 months of work in 1 month of time. But it will happen. I will be done in time and life can get back to normal…perhaps better than normal.

Either way I decided to take the day off today…and it has been good. Giving my body enough sleep for a change and having a long breakfast with my man. Soon we will go out to dinner and then off to the movies…good days go by so quickly. It is at times like these when you are really stressed out that it is important to notice the little things…and so I am going to do a little high/low from the past month…inspired by my friend wawa…who btw seems to have given up on her blog (shame on you).

January low: Definitely working on my thesis…stress has gained a new definition
for me.

January high: My guy at home who has been doing all the laundry and cleaning and
cooking…and still has enough energy to rub my stiff shoulders.

I will try to continue with the high/low for the next month…whether I post it here or not I will at least try to do it mentally…It will be good for me.

Ok, I have a question...

...How do you cram 2 months of work into 4 weeks?

'Cause basically...that is my situation right now. And to be honest with you, I am surprisingly calm writing this...Most likely a side effect of the workout I just had...I always feel great right after exercise...tired...but pleased...and working out is the only thing that makes me relax these days...I know that sounds odd, but its only when Im exercising that my mind is capable of not thinking about all the work I need to get done. It is my hour-and-a-half of relaxation. My time of zen.

But me sweating at the gym doesnt get my work done...Sooo...if anyone has any ideas, please step forward and speak your mind.

There you have it...

You know some days are just unproductive...No matter how hard you try, it just doesnt happen.

Today has been one of those days, and instead of beating myself up about it, I am going to go home. I am going home to make dinner with my man and just relax.-Providing he's home that is...He might be having his productive day today...if irony gets its will that will be a given. But then again, that is how it is supposed to be...as irony is God's way of making things interesting..."spice it up a little"...I'll bet thats what he thought when irony was invented...perhaps irony was one of those glitches that always happens when you create a demo of something...and then he kept it just to get something to laugh at. Actually...I think he's a she...or perhaps a gay man...the eye for detail and beauty is too great for a 'he'...but that's another topic...and I dont want to offend anyone religious.

But anyway...unproductive...no additions to my thesis...a wasted day if you will. I could have done something fun instead. But...I am not going to feel bad or stress about it...cause ultimately...what good comes out of that? Nope. Going home. That's what I'll do.

...And up again

I really don't like New Years Eve...

Its totally overrated as the teens like to say…and which I tend to say too come to think of it...I always end up at some last-minute party since I never plan the night. Yet I refuse to plan New Years. I dont want to stress about finding some place to be on a night where you are supposed to either have the time of your life, or be a loser. I refuse. So I dont plan, and I end up at the aforementioned party. Usually I have a friend or a boyfriend present, which keeps me from going insane. And every year around midnight I think to myself; "Why am I here? Why am I spending the last night of the year with people I dont know?"

This year seemed to be the same. No plans became party plans. -A party with nothing but strangers. Then it became a party with friends and only that. Then back to the choice of strangers or nothing at all. Wise from previous years of dull parties, I chose alternative B,-nothing at all. Only this year, no expectations turned into a truly great evening (Imagine the shocker). I was prepared for a night alone with the boyfriend at our apartment...(which could be pretty romantic in itself I'll admit) only to get a visit from friends instead. We were only 6 people. The night was quiet yet social and it suited me perfectly. I dont see the point in spending a night that is supposed to be a night of reminiscence, with total strangers.

Perhaps this is a sign that I am growing up...or perhaps it is a sign that I am becoming excruciatingly boring...Either way I guess it doesnt really matter as long as one is having a good time...does it? And I did. And I continue to enjoy myself...or I try to.

Lately it has been difficult and it will continue to be difficult for at least another 2 months. Until I am done with my master thesis, I wont have much free time...and as a result I wont have much time to spend with friends...if you read this I apologize. Combining work and school has been a bitch lately and it will only get harder...but as they say: it gets worse before it gets better...And hopefully by the end of spring, life will open up a bit and make me more available...and relaxed...and perhaps even less boring.

Until then I will try to suck up all the joy I can when I get it. If I have a resolution for this year, it is to do something I really want to do even if its irresponsible to do so. Ive been responsible my whole life...Right now I am deeper in the responsible part of life than Ive ever been before. Once I get out of this pit, I am going to do something reckless.

No matter what.